Для расслабления:

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lived for ten more years, and then dies peacefully. A ceremony is held again. At the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch the f*cking wall!""

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and Action Man." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl.
"She comes with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken."

Secrets to a Happy Marriage
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have s*x.
MOST important....
4. These three women must NEVER meet

Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to Show off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge."What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's my Speaking Clock", the man replied. "How does it work?", asked the guest. "I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer. Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For f**ks sake, it's twenty to two in the f*c*ing morning!

What If These Famous People Had Jewish Mothers?

MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER: "This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on braces?"

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still should have written."

MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER: "Why can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how hard it is to get that schmutz off of the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER: "All right, if your 're not hiding your reportcard inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER: "Again with the hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER: "That's a good story! Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years!"

BILL CLINTON'S JEWISH MOTHER: "At least Monica was a nice Jewish girl!"

:-))

А я аналогичную шутку про мужчин слышала. Пункт №4 совпадал, только вместо women там menЫ были:)

The Canadian Practical Stylist by Sheridan Baker and Lawrence B. Gamache states unequivocally:
“Use a Possessive Pronoun Before a Gerund
Faulty: She disliked HIM hunting.
Revised: She disliked hunting.
The object of her dislike is not HIM but HUNTING.”

TOEFL Preparation Guide supports the same view on the subject:
…before the gerund, a noun or pronoun MUST [emphasis mine] appear in the possessive form.
We understand YOUR not being able to stay longer.
He regrets HER leaving.
We are looking forward to THEIR coming next year.
We don’t approve of JOHN’S buying this house.
We resent the TEACHER’S not announcing the test sooner.
We object to THEIR calling at this hour.

However, Advanced English Practice by B.D. Graver (published in the UK) indicates that things could be more complicated. Here what is says:
Quote:

a) I don’t mind saying I was wrong.
b) I don’t mind YOU (or YOUR?) saying I was wrong.
In sentence a), I is the subject of both DON’T MIND and SAYING; while in sentence b), there are different subjects, I and YOU for the two verbs MIND and SAY respectively. We then have to decide which form of personal pronoun to use before the gerund, the object form or the possessive – YOU SAYING or YOUR SAYING.*

We feel the necessity for a possessive form more particularly when the gerund is the subject of the main verb:

YOUR calling on us just at this time is most inconvenient.

When the gerund is the OBJECT of the main verb, however, we often use the object form of a personal pronoun, more especially in the spoken language:

Do you mind me coming as well?

The object form of a personal pronoun or other noun is always preferred where the use of a possessive would entail an awkward (or, in spoken English, misleading) construction:

I remember HIM and HIS sister coming to London.
(not His and His sister’s)

With other pronouns, only one form may be available:
I don’t envisage THERE being any real disagreement.

The possessive form also tends not to be used with common nouns (or even proper nouns) before the gerund:

I object to the CAR being left there. (Not the CAR’S)
I appreciated JOHN helping me. (Rather than JOHN’S)

The use of the possessive form is, therefore, found mainly with personal pronouns, and then principally in the written language. There are, however, occasions when the possessive seems to be the preferred form in both written and spoken English, and students can become familiar with these only through practice.
* In this example, and in those that follow, the gerund is operating as a verb in a non-finite noun clause. Where the gerund has a purely noun-like function, only the possessive form is possible:
The police are to be congratulated on their HANDLING of the affair.
Unquote.

Now, that I’ve put you to sleep, разрешите откланяться.

к пятнице видимо : I'm emptied out like a dusty shelf
and now I'm covered in shame

Шотландцы - хорошие, не пафосные ребята.
К акценту - привыкнете с полпинка.
Главное - спокойствие, полнейшая уверенность в себе и самоуважение.
Не поняла - прерываете.
Хамят - употребляете, со сталью в голосе, разговорные блоки с обязательным вкраплением элементов "на...", "в..." и "...дык, любезный..!"

Всё у Вас пройдёт отлично.
Потом будете вспоминать с любовью

Удачи!
:-))

Пасху "испортить" - нельзя.
:-)

А вспоминать будете с льбовью - про этот опыт, про то, как ДО того боялись, а ПОСЛЕ того все очень хорошо прошло, и как к Вам все очень добро относились, и что Вы приобрели новые интересные знания.

Счастливо!

И - с Праздником наступающим!
:-)