--Metro Newspaper, London, February 17, 2003--

LOOT
Beat the Congestion Charge

• Horse, 13.2 hands, smart coloured cob, gelding, good all-rounder, 100% in every way, fully vac and wormed, £700 ono.
• Hot air balloon, in shape of hamburger, Ken can't charge you at 2,000ft, call Richard, £3,600, anytime.
• Astral projection lessons, beat the congestion charge, think your way into the office, £24 per hour, day and night.
• Kayak, 12ft, excellent condition, there's no £5 charge on the Thames, £100.
• Pedal go-kart, hardly used, suitable for 5 yr olds, £30, yabbaddabbadoo.
• Pogo-stick, suitable for kids and adults, £10, don't drink and boinnngg.
• Walking boots, waterproof, leather upper size 9, cowhide, gore-tex lined, double stitched, sorry don't mean to ramble, £20, day, eve, w/e.
• BMX, street/sk8parks set up, full crmo frame, WTP, Snafu, Primo, FBM etc. new Alex wheelset worth £120, Snafu pegs, fat chain, immaculate, worth over £600, injury forces sale, £350 ono.
• Shopping trolley, seats up to 4, fast downhill, park anywhere, £20.
• Tandem bicycle, plus 2 helmets, 2 water bottles and 1 lazy husband at rear, £55 or swap for younger model.
• Spacehopper, orange, horns, cute face, just like you remember only smaller, £15.
• Office chair, on wheels, far too comfy for last executive hence sale, £40, ovno.
• Raleigh Chopper, with stabilisers, perfect for 1st timer used to driving a car, £60.
• Broomstick, wing of bat, eye of newt, you will respond to this ad in Loot, ring Meg, 666 6666.
• Micro scooter, look like a twit but save a fiver, £20.
• Stilts, pair, 6ft, walk to work and see great views of London Eye, St Paul's cathedral, Big Ben etc, £65.
• Flying saucer, ex-Blake's 7, four billion miles on clock, papier mache needs attention, exempt from congestion charge, £75.
• Stretch limo, not exempt from congestion, but you'll get your five quid's worth, £15,500 ono.
• Human cannon, ex-circus, helmet and matches included, 1-15 mile range, £150 ono.
• Huskies, plus sledge, full racing team, eight dogs, four bitches, very fast, all igloo trained, £500 full pack only.
• Police car transfer kit, flashing light and woo woo's, to fit Vauxhall or Ford, uniform not included, great fun, offers.
• Stealth bomber, undetectable by any camera, £48,000,000.
• Black paint, 5ltr, for wood, masonry and number plates, £10, call after midnight.
• Smart car, fuchsia pink, her name is Jody, one loving owner, includes all toys, Garfield etc, surely too cute to be charged, £3,500.
• James Bond revolving number plate, H228 AGH, K461 CLP, P857 MLB, fits all cars, call Q.

LOOT
It's the way you sell ’em