Welcome onboard Ladies, Gentlemen and sheep in the baggage compartment, to this British Airways flight operated by Loganair. We will head for the runway as soon as Donny McLeod can clear the sheep from the tarmac. We expect to arrive in Glasgow sometime today. We will be flying at an altitude of....**INAUDIBLE MURMER TO CAPTAIN**....approximately 1,500 feet. Our inflight entertainment today will be "I-spy" and "Guess the sheep's milk". I would ask you to keep your seatbelts fastened at all times, but the lamb buggered that up too.....along with **COUGH** the AHEM..cockpit, wheels, etcetera. I'm afraid that due to the age of this modern prop, there is no air conditioning on board - however, if you are feeling a wee bit too hot, we can open a window or perhaps a door to cool the plane down. Thank you......Oh yes, the lifejackets are beneath your seats, if, in the likely event that an emergency does arise simply: **DEEP BREATH** PULITOUTFROMUNDRRYOURSEATTAKEITOUTTHECOVERPUTITOVERYOURHEAD, do not inflate it inside the aircraft - unless you are a suicide bomber.