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Subject: OFF: Disorder in the American Courts :-) law > These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.> _______________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? > WITNESS: No, I just lie there. > __________________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. > ________________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? > WITNESS: Yes. > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? > WITNESS: I forget. > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? > ________________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? > WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' > ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? > WITNESS: My name is Susan. > ________________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he > doesn't know about it until the next morning? > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? >________________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he? > WITNESS: he's twenty-one. > ________________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? > WITNESS: Is this a trick question? >_________________________ _______________________ > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? > WITNESS: Yes. > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? > WITNESS: I was getting laid. > ________________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? > WITNESS: Yes. > ATTORNEY: How many were boys? > WITNESS: None > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? > WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? > ________________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? > WITNESS: By death. > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? > WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? > ________________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? > WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? > WITNESS: Guess. >______________________________________ __________ > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. > ________________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead > people? > WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? > ________________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? > WITNESS: Oral. >________________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. > ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? > WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! > ________________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, d id you check for a pulse? > WITNESS: No. > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? > WITNESS: No. > ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? > WITNESS: No. > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? > WITNESS: No. > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. > ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. |
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Ахаха, улыбнуло ) Погуглил еще, вот от этого вообще пацталом: * The Court: "Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any." А можно источник? А то не везде и не все есть. |
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2 Miff Re. А можно источник? Источника не знаю. Сабж был мне прислан вчера хорошей знакомой из Голландии. Там была еще одна уморительная фраза: "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." |
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