Subject: Native speakers, need your help! (и всех остальных тоже) Уважаемые коллеги!Помогите поправить стиль данных строк (хотелось бы, чтобы это звучало по-английски): Welcome words: Our society is a product of information. Today information is one of the key metrics for competitiveness for all market participants. Everyday people use innovation technologies and can’t imagine their existence without Internet, Mobile, E-mail and so on… And if they can use this opportunity to realize their potential with the help of computer, the question about necessity in communications with government or municipality (like communications with trade companies) will rise very soon. Modern officials, the officials of new generation, now consider themselves as “suppliers of service for townspeople and companies”, and this activity is the way for building the new model of relationships, guaranteeing transparence of all processes, erasing bureaucracy and corruption. This site helps to understand which services can be converted to e-services and where we can get the greatest benefits on it. Our Mission: Each of us anyhow collides with work of regional and municipal authorities. Therefore, realization of initiatives on creation of the information systems providing their transparent and stable work not only our problem as employees of the company Microsoft, but also our opportunity to live and work in comfortable conditions of equal access to the information, the rights and freedom as people. Заранее спасибо за помощь! |
Никто не поможет?.. :( |
Звучит и вправду сильно "по русски". |
я бы предложил вам выложить русский исходник, причём по фразам в разные вопросы. Our society is a product of information гррр... |
я понимаю, что звучит по-русски... исходную версию я получила: Welcome words: Наше общество - это продукт информатизации. Сегодня информация стала одной из ключевой метрик при конкуренции на любом сегменте рынка. Каждый день люди используют инновационные технологии и уже не могут представить себе свою деятельность без интернета, мобильного телефона, электронной почты и т.д. И если они могут использовать с помощью компьютера данную возможность для реализации своего потенциала в жизни и в работе, то вопрос о такой возможности взаимодействия с органами региональной и муниципальной власти - был лишь вопросом времени. Современные чиновники, чиновники нового поколения, представляют свою деятельность как «услуги для горожан и бизнеса», то есть эта деятельность направленая на построение новой модели взаимоотношений, гарантирующих прозрачность административных процессов, искоренение коррупции и бюрократии. Этот ресурс поможет Вам понять какие из услуг, предлагаемых нам властью можно перевести на электронные рельсы и где такие изменения принесут наибольший эффект. Our society is a product of information. Today information is one of the key metrics for competitiveness for all market participants. Everyday people use innovation technologies and can’t imagine their existence without Internet, Mobile, E-mail and so on… And if they can use this opportunity to realize their potential with the help of computer, the question about necessity in communications with government or municipality (like communications with trade companies) will rise very soon. Modern officials, the officials of new generation, now consider themselves as “suppliers of service for townspeople and companies”, and this activity is the way for building the new model of relationships, guaranteeing transparence of all processes, erasing bureaucracy and corruption. This site helps to understand which services can be converted to e-services and where we can get the greatest benefits on it. Our Mission: Each of us anyhow collides with work of regional and municipal authorities. Therefore, realization of initiatives on creation of the information systems providing their transparent and stable work not only our problem as employees of the company Microsoft, but also our opportunity to live and work in comfortable conditions of equal access to the information, the rights and freedom as people. Создавать отдельную ветку под каждую фразу - наверно, лучше не стоит захламлять сайт. |
Как вариант, 2-й абзац: From time to time each of us has to deal with regional and municipal authorities. That is why to assure their transparent and stable functioning, we must implement the initiatives for creation of appropriate IT systems not only because it is our work since we are Microsoft employees, but also because it will give us, the people devoted to our own country and city, a chance to live and to work under the conditions of equal access to information and realization of our rights and freedom. |
cent pretty sad 2 |
to DEM: Yes, your version is better. |
I mean for real...Tell me how many timez you were told that English speaking fellaz get dizzy if they come across that long a sentence??? NO OFFENSE !!!That is why to assure their transparent and stable functioning, we must implement the initiatives for creation of appropriate IT systems not only because it is our work since we are Microsoft employees, but also because it will give us, the people devoted to our own country and city, a chance to live and to work under the conditions of equal access to information and realization of our rights and freedom.!!! |
2 DEM: Does this sound better? =)) That is why to assure their transparent and stable functioning, we must implement the initiatives for creation of appropriate IT systems. It is not only our work as we are Microsoft employees. It is also our chance as we are also the people devoted to our own country and city. It is our chance to live and to work under the conditions of equal access to information, to realize our rights and freedom. |
Dude it's cooler...but still smells Russian a lot.... Pls don't get an impression that I can do better...I can't...9) |
2 DEM: Just to kill that Russian smell... )) So to make their work more transparent and stable, we must support the initiatives for creating appropriate IT systems. It is not only our work as we are Microsoft employees. It is also our chance since we are also the people devoted to our own country and city. It is our chance to live and to work, to have equal access to information, to support our rights and freedom. |
Cent I tried to add something...Not sure gonna justify...Check it out anyway... Thus implementing the initiatives pursuing construction of relevant IT systems will help ensure their transparent and sustainable performance. |
2 DEM: That's much better. Thanks. |
cent Ehh...anytime....but you aren't the aXer? why thank me? 0_O |
That helped me see the drawbacks. We always learn. Besides, I really got interested. |
Thanks a lot! Sorry for not answering yesterday. And as for the first part: are there any suggestions? I'm absolutely imposiible to do something with it :(. |
I can check on part 1 if it's still relevant... |
It is.. please, if you have time, do it. It will be really helpfull! TIA |
Не судите строго %) _________________________________ Our society is the product of informatization. Nowadays information has become one of the key metrics of competitive ability within the any of the market segments. People today cannot imagine their lives without the daily use of cutting-edge technologies and gadgets such as access to the Internet, cell phones, E-mail, etc. So if computers are available to them to provide support in life and at work, the use of computers for cooperating with regional and municipal authorities remained the matter of time. |
Thank you! |
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