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| Subject | Russian | English |
| gen. | тупой как валенок | as thick as two short planks (Anglophile) |
| inf. | тупой как валенок | as stupid as a goose (VLZ_58) |
| idiom. | тупой как валенок | nutty as a fruitcake (Andrey Truhachev) |
| idiom. | тупой как валенок | as dim as a glow worm's armpit (Andrey Truhachev) |
| idiom. | тупой как валенок | as thick as two short planks (Andrey Truhachev) |
| idiom. | тупой как валенок | dumb as a rock (Donald Trump, 2018 Alex_Odeychuk) |
| saying. | тупой, как сибирский валенок | as thick as a plank (тж. (as) thick as two (short) planks Баян) |
| idiom. | тупой как валенок | as thick as a plank (Andrey Truhachev) |
| inf. | тупой как валенок | as dense as a donkey (VLZ_58) |
| gen. | тупой как валенок | thick as two short planks (Anglophile) |
| idiom. | тупой как сибирский валенок | dumb as a doorknob (Баян; Not an error, but I've also heard of "as a sack of hair" and "as a box of rocks (in the rain)." Liv Bliss) |
| gen. | тупой, как сибирский валенок | as dumb as a fish |
| idiom. | тупые как валенки | people that are dumb as rocks (Washington Post Alex_Odeychuk) |