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Subject: ОФФ: приличные "лингвистические" анекдоты
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2Precious: *гордо* из галавы! *а если честно - из аськи ))) в разное время и от разных людей... с миру по нитке, так сказать* вот тут накопала про извращенца наоборот. в меру НЕ пошло. I think just about anyone who meets me and talks to me for long enough comes to terms with the fact that I am a very sick, twisted person. Also factor in a few mountain dews, a Peer-to-Peer connection, and boredom and you get what might be the funniest combination imaginable. |
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А: Hey, you know what sucks? В: vaccuums А: Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense? В: black holes А: Hey, you know what just isn't cool? В: lava? |
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2суслик: лол! Little boy: What is that? --Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport |
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Girl #1: ... And then I kicked him in the nuts. And, like, I drew blood. Girl #2: Oh my god... Girl #1: I know, right? So, I go to bed, and while I'm sleeping he writes 'Best friends' on my door... in blood. --Barcade, Williamsburg |
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Hipster guy, after hipster girl sneezes: Oh, God bless you. Hipster girl: Don't bless me. Hipster guy: Fuck you, then. --Fat Baby, Lower East Side |
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@stacey: what time do you get off? @ruggo: About every hour or so, why? @stacey: i meant leaving work @ruggo: Oh, right @ruggo: 7pm |
| Sam: There's only one function to describe women? Random(); |
| суслик, thx, got it ) |
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Молодой человек в косухе (потерянно озирающемуся мужчине): Вы что-то потеряли? Я не имею в виду смысл жизни. Где подслушано: около ст. м. Арбатская roflol! |
2 risuАлло! Алло! Простите, а Машу можно?Слышал более жёсткий вариант. Звонок в женское общежитие: — Алло, Лену можно? — Можно… Всех можно. |
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И ещё один, из когда-то читанного потрясающего сборника The most tasteless jokes: — What is woman? — An installation you screw on a bed to have your housework done. |
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2 Brains: Слышал более жёсткий вариант. вспомнился Вишневский. |
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Оффтопик. 2Brains: Заказчица свалилась с гриппом. В связи с этим отодвигаются как сроки предоставления необходимых материалов, так и сроки сдачи первой части. |
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А вот из туманов холодного прошлого, когда про Интернет мало кто слышал, но самые продвинутые и имеющие собственный аналоговый модем давно уж были подключены к FIDOnet. Звонок сисопу (SYStem Operator — оператор узла сети, царь и бог, раз в сутки раздающий своим абонентам почту и новые сообщения конференций, тогдашних форумов): — Алло, Васю можно? — Простите, но Вася вчера умер… — Обана! Так что, почту сегодня не качаем?! |
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A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approaches a student and asked, "Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?" The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, "I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!" The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, "I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, asshole?" |
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A language is a dialect with an army and a navy. Max Weinreich, Yiddish linguist, 1945 |
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Four linguists were sharing a compartment on a train on their way to an international conference on sound symbolism. One was English, one Spanish, one French and the fourth German. They got into a discussion on whose language was the most eloquent and euphonious. The English linguist said: "Why, English is the most eloquent language. Take for instance the word "butterfly". Butterfly, butterfly... doesn't that word so beautifully express the way this delicate insect flies. It's like flutter-by, flutter-by." "Oh, no!" said the Spanish linguist, "the word for "butterfly" in Spanish is "maripose". Now, this word expresses so beautifully the vibrant colours on the butterfly's wings. What could be a more apt name for such a brilliant creature? Spanish is the most eloquent language!" "Papillon!" says the French linguist, "papillon! This word expresses the fragility of the butterfly's wings and body. This is the most fitting name for such a delicate and ethereal insect. French is the most eloquent language!" At this the German linguist stands up, and demands: "Und vot is rongk mit 'SCHMETTERLING'?" |
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lol: If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed? Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, software engineers will be detested, and even musical composers will eventually decompose. |
| risu не просто жжот, risu ОТЖИГАЕТ! |
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Translation and Advertisement The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?" Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea." Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux." Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick." An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I Saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa). Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate." When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish. Hunt-Wesson introduced Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos. Later they found out that in slang it means "big breasts". Bank Caixa Econômica Federal in Brazil offered in an advertisment "HOT MONEY" (in english), obviously unaware of the fact that hot money means "Stolen Money" in normal slang. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokou kole", translating into "happiness in the mouth." When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you."The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant"
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Два ресепшиониста в отеле разговаривают. Первый: "Что у нас с телефоном? Трубку снимаю, а там:"ту-ти-ту-рум-ту-ту", "ту-ти-ту-рум-ту-ту"? Второй:"Это русский из 22 комнаты два чая просит..." |
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значит, воспламеняю, да, Монги?) Q: How many linguists does it take to change a light bulb? |
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link 19.02.2007 10:27 |
| Средние века, монастырь францисканцев. Попадает туда молодой послушник и, как и все в монастыре, начинает переписывать книги. Через пару месяцев замечает, что все они делают копии с копий. Идет к настоятелю и говорит, что-де нехорошо это, надо бы с оригиналов, а то вдруг где когда какая ошибка вкралась, и так теперь по векам и кочует. Настоятель, как водится, наорал на него для порядка, но, поскольку в логике мальцу было трудно отказать, решил проверить. В подвалах монастыря хранился самый первый писаный устав ордена, его-то он и решил изучить. Полез в подвал. Час нет, три нет, восемь часов - нет. Монахи переполошились, полезли всем скопом за ним вниз. Видят, лежит их настоятель на полу, весь зареванный, пол вокруг усеян клочьями волос, бьется головой об пол и воет. Монахи: "Что, что случилось?!" Настоятель (сквозь рыдания): "Там ведь... ведь там... там же не celibate, там - CELEBRATE!!!" |
| langkawi2006 ))))))))))))) |
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sara is watching her friend john write a letter in spanish. sara: you've put the dieresis in the wrong place! john: sara, why must you be so diacritical? |
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Me: (complaining because the guy down the hall was burning cheap incense in his office) My coworker: How can you tell it's cheap? Me: I'm kind of an incense snob. You can tell when the incense is cheap because it leaves a bitter aftersmell. My coworker: So what you're saying is that...you're incens-itive? |
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luv it! God one day decided he ought to check in with Adam to see how things were going. |
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link 19.02.2007 10:40 |
| Новый посол прибывает в африканскую страну. Встречу организовали чин-чинарем: красная дорожка, оркестр и т.п. Играет гимн, и вдруг сзади к послу подходит некто и интимно шепчет ему в ухо: "I'm at your disposal at any time. A woman?" Наш от него отмахивается, типа пошел вон. Тот снова: "A man? A boy? A little girl?" Послу, наконец, все это надоедает и он шипит: "Russian Ambassador!" Некто: "Russian Ambassador? Hmm... Possible, possible, but VERY expensive" |
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Three men, an Italian, a Jew, and a Pole, are sentenced to spend 15 years in solitary confinement. The judge, feeling sorry for the men, decides to allow each to take with him whatever he wants. The Italian says, "I'd like to take a woman with me." The judge reluctantly agrees, and the Italian takes his wife and heads off to solitary. The Jew says, "I'd like to take a telephone with me." The judge agrees, and off goes the Jew with his telephone. The Pole pulls out a hand-held calculator and furiously punches the buttons for a few minutes. He then announces, "I'd like to take 3,000 cartons of cigarettes with me." The judge agrees, and off goes the Pole with his cigarettes. After 15 years they open the Italian's cell, and out comes the Italian with his wife and 15 children: "It wasn't so bad...." The Jew emerges and announces he is now a multimillionaire, having set up a successful business by telephone. The Pole then comes out, trembling like a leaf, and says, "Anybody got a match?" |
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a new immigrant who knew only spanish tried to buy a soda from a vending machine, but he was short 10 cents. the machine flashed "DIME! DIME!" so he looked around, leaned close to the machine, and whispered, "una coca cola, por favor." |
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Sex Doll A man walks into a sex shop and tells the woman behind the counter he's looking for a blow up doll. The woman asks “Would you like a christian or muslim doll?” Confused the man says “What's the difference?” “Well,” replies the woman, “the muslim one blows herself up!” |