Subject: ОФФ: приличные "лингвистические" анекдоты
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From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from Carrick-on-Suir Ireland . Recently a routine Garda patrol parked outside a local neighbourhood The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the Garda After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a He moved the vehicle forward a few cm, reversed a little and then At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down The Garda, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the To his amazement the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man Dumbfounded, the Garda said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to "I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy". |
Из чьей-то жизни (или о необходимости контекста): По соседству с нами грабили ночной супермаркет. Продавцы успели нажать на нужную кнопку, менты прикатили почти сразу, бандиты засели внутри, завязалась перестрелка, но какая-то вялая - сначала менты стрельнут разок и орут потом что-нибудь типа "сдавайтесь, бл@ди! Выходите с поднятыми руками!", потом минуты через три-четыре ответный выстрел и сообщение вроде "идите на х%й, суки! Всех вас перестреляем к &б&ни матери!" В общем, все патроны экономят. Мы с соседями, конечно, торчим на балконах - еще бы, такое развлечение! Так продолжалось минут тридцать, и тут сверху недовольный женский вопль: |
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link 19.02.2007 8:31 |
суслик, ага, в МГУ знать училась :)) |
tenerezzza, аскед! |
Mikkel: If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody? Celestya: i dont think so Mikkel: Wanna go camping? |
эти тоже уже были, но мне нравятся очень Америка, 90-е годы...заходит в оружейную лавку мужик. Между ним и продавцом звучит диалог: Ned: The Most Popular Man in the World Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Ned goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "Hello Ned! How are you? Hey everybody! Ned's here!" Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Ned. After everyone has greeted him, Bill and Ned sit down and begin to eat. The two fly to Washington and knock on the front door of the White House. The president answers, "Ned! How are you doing? I haven't seen you in ages!" The three go play a round of golf and then leave. "That was luck!" says Bill, "Two thousand says your not friends with the Queen of England!" "Let's go!" says Ned. The two fly to Buckingham Palace and, sure enough, are greeted by the Queen. ''Hello Ned my boy! What have you been up to these days?" They enter the palace and have some tea and leave. Frustrated, Bill says, "Double or nothing, you don't know the Pope!" "J.P!" says Ned, "Let's go!" When they get to the Vatican, Ned instructs Bill to wait outside and Ned will come out on the balcony with his arm around the Pope. After a while, a crowd gathers to hear the Pope speak. And as told by Ned, when the Pope came out, Ned's arm was wrapped around him. Ned looks down from the balcony and see's Bill passed out on the ground. He rushes down and wakes him up. "Bill! Bill! Wake up!" Bill opens his eyes and says, "Ned. You're the most popular man in the world." "I told you that, Bill," says Ned, "but you didn't faint when I knew the President! You didn't faint when I knew the Queen!" "Well I was shocked that you knew the Pope," says Bill. "But I just couldn't take it when the guy next to me tapped me on the shoulder and said "Who's that up there with Ned?" When I was younger I hated going to weddings; it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, "You're next." Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the Midwest, and had been married years. Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars." Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich." Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" |
Jakefeb3: do you know a turtles only weakness? AvatarOfSolusek: no AvatarOfSolusek: well AvatarOfSolusek: their slowness Jakefeb3: there weakness is they cant roll over when they are on their backs AvatarOfSolusek: lol Jakefeb3: now i have a plan Jakefeb3: if i duck tape 2 turtles together they are unstoppable |
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Risu жжот!! Где вы все это берете?!) |