"The European Union commissioners have announced that
agreement has
been reached to adopt English as the preferred
language for
European
communications, rather than German, which was the
other
possibility. As
part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government
conceded that
English
spelling had some room for improvement and had
accepted a five-year
phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish
(Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the
soft "c".
Sertainly,
sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also,
the hard "c"
will
be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up
konfusion, but
typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year, when
the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will
make words like

"fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be
expected to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are
possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double
letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil
agre that
the horible
mes of silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful, and
they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps
such as
replasing
"th" by "z" and "w" by "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords
containing "ou" and similar changes vud be of kors be
aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten
styl. Zer vil
be no
mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi
tu understand
ech
ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru!!!"