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 Andrey Yasharov

link 21.04.2008 19:58 
Subject: укажите мои ошибки, пожалуйста lit.
Уважаемые форумчане!
Укажите мои ошибки, пожалуйста

Оригинал:
Мы виделись с Вами на днях в Лондоне и Вы позволили написать Вам. К сожалению, Ваша занятость не позволила нам познакомиться ближе и обстоятельно побеседовать, но я надеюсь, что моё письмо будет началом нашего плодотворного общения и сотрудничества.
Не мне Вам рассказывать о том, что литература любой страны слагается из двух элементов: литературы отечественной и переводной. Все подлинно значимые произведения всех национальных литератур переводятся на иностранные языки и становятся в полной мере достоянием литератур других народов.
Но, увы, сейчас в России, в связи с прогрессирующей коммерциализацией издательского бизнеса многие, действительно великие, авторы из других стран незаслуженно почти забыты.
И мы хотели бы, в меру своих сил и возможностей, с Вашей помощью раздвинуть рамки нашей национальной литературы. Поставить лучшие иностранные произведения в положение, равноправное с продуктами национального творчества.
Перевод:
I saw you in London the other day and you let me write to you. Unfortunately, the fact that you were being busy forbade us to make a closer acquaintance as well as have a detailed conversation, but I hope that my letter will serve as a starting point of our fruitful communication and collaboration.
It is not me who should be telling you about the fact that literature of any country is made up of two components: national literature and translated works. All truly significant works of all national types of literature are translated into foreign languages and come completely into the domain of other peoples’ literatures.
However, alas, contemporary Russia has unfairly almost forgotten many genuinely great writers from foreign countries due to a progressing commercialization of the publishing business.
So, we would like to do our best along with your assistance to expand the limits of our national literature and to place the best foreign works in an equal position with the offspring of our national writing.

 sledopyt

link 21.04.2008 21:05 
На мой вкус, оригинал сыроват, поэтому от перевода не стоит ждать особой оригинальности. Я попытался сохранить Ваш стиль и лексику насколько возможно, добавив несколько фраз. Все, конечно сугубо субъективно. Уверен, что будут гораздо лучшие варианты.

WE MET I saw you in London the other day and YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T MIND IF I let me wrote to you. Unfortunately, the fact that you were being busy, forbade us AND WE COULDN'T to make a closer acquaintance , as well as AND have a detailed conversation. but I hope, HOWEVER, that my letter will BE/BECOME serve as a starting point of our DIALOG/CORRESPONDENCE communication and fruitful collaboration.
It is not me who should be telling you aboutYOU KNOW BETTER THAN ANYONE of the fact that THERE ARE TWO ELEMENTS THAT ADD TO THE BODY OF literature of any country is made up of two components:national literature and translated works. All truly significant NATIONAL LITERARY works of all national types of literature are translated into foreign languages, THUS BECOMING AN INTEGRAL PART OF THE LITERARY CULTUREand come completely into the domain of other peoples’ literature OF OTHER COUNTRIES.
However, alas, NOWADAYS, contemporary Russia has unfairly almost forgotten many genuinely great FOREIGN writers from foreign countries COMPLETELY LACK EXPOSURE ON THE RUSSIAN LITERARY SCENE due to a progressing commercialization of the publishing business.
With your assistance,So, we HOPE would like to do our best, along to expand the limits of our national literature and to place BRING the best foreign LITERARY works in an equal position with the offspring of our national writing.

 Anna-London

link 21.04.2008 21:11 
Сразу бросается в глаза "you let me write to you" - уж очень сильно отдает коннотацией, что Вам чуть ли не с неохотой разрешили. Я бы написала "you said I could write to you". "You were being busy" - не годится, "you were busy" вполне достаточно. "Forbade us to make a closer acquaintance as well as have a detailed conversation" - я бы заменила "as well as" на "or". "Fruitful collaboration" - калька, надо придумать что-нибудь менее русское. "It is not me who should be telling you about the fact that literature of any country is made up of two components" - очень громоздко, предлагаю "I am not one to tell you that..." или "It is not down to me to tell you that...". "come completely into the domain of other peoples’ literatures" - просто очень сильно не нравится, особенно употребление слова "people" во множественном числе, опять ранглиш. "Contemporary Russia has unfairly almost forgotten" - что-то надо сделать с порядком слов. "Foreign" - еще одно слово из языка ранглиш, его надо по возможности избегать, т.к. в современном английском оно имеет негативную коннотацию; лучше "other countries". "So, we would like to do our best along with your assistance" - consider: "Therefore, with your assistance, we would like to...". "Foreign works" - подумайте, как пополиткорректнее это назвать: "works of international literature"? И, наконец, "offspring" - говорят только о детях и ни о ком более.
Удачи.

 sledopyt

link 21.04.2008 21:14 
Sorry, this should be better.

WE MET I saw you in London the other day and YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T MIND IF I let me wrote to you. Unfortunately, the fact that you were being busy, forbade us AND WE COULDN'T to make a closer FURTHER acquaintance , as well as AND have a detailed conversation. but I hope, HOWEVER, that my letter will BE/BECOME serve as a starting point of our DIALOG/CORRESPONDENCE communication and fruitful collaboration.
It is not me who should be telling you aboutYOU KNOW BETTER THAN ANYONE of the fact that THERE ARE TWO ELEMENTS THAT ADD TO THE BODY OF literature of any country is made up of two components:national literature and translated works. All truly significant NATIONAL LITERARY works of all national types of literature are translated into foreign languages, THUS BECOMING AN INTEGRAL PART OF THE LITERARY CULTUREand come completely into the domain of other peoples’ literature OF OTHER COUNTRIES.
However, alas, NOWADAYS, contemporary Russia has unfairly almost forgotten many genuinely great FOREIGN writers from foreign countries COMPLETELY LACK EXPOSURE ON THE RUSSIAN LITERARY SCENE due to a progressing commercialization of the publishing business.
With your assistance,So, we HOPE would like to do our best , along to expand the limits of our national literature and to place BRING the best foreign LITERARY works in an equal position TO THE ATTENTION OF RUSSIAN READERS ALONG with the offspring (???) of our national writing.

 Andrey Yasharov

link 21.04.2008 21:32 
Всем большое спасибо

 

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