Выражение встречается в следующем контексте:
With the eyes of two men on me, two senior men, the sense that I should hold myself together shakes me, I should find cutting words to say, I should make speeches and scald them, I should call down fires. But I can't there's nothing to hold the pieces together, and everything comes apart. I press my hands to my mouth, trying to hold it steady, but I hear a hoarse, ugly sob tear through me, a second, a third.

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