 |
|
Subject: ОФФ: приличные "лингвистические" анекдоты
|
|
Five year phase–in plan for "EuroEnglish" The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away. By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a realy sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand each ozer. ZE DREAM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!
|
|
а кому и баян... Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. |
|
Ivan Grozny (Ivan the Terrible) sent an embassy to Elisabeth the Queen of England. The names of the ambassadors were Longinov, Stronginov, Putyatin and Neverov. The butler announces: — Your Royal Majesty! From Tsar Ivan, here's for you Long Enough, Strong Enough, Put It In and Never Off. |
|
link 20.02.2007 9:27 |
| Hee-hee-hee |
| можно еще добавить Fokin and Tikhonov (aka Fucking and Thick Enough), но тогда мы вернее сползаем в сторону неприличного |
|
Hearing so many people speaking ill about his intelligence level, G. W. Bush decided to get his brain checked. The physician diagnosis was : "Mr President, you have two brains, the left and the right, like all normal people. The problem is: In your left brain, there is nothing right. And in your right brain, there is nothing left." |
|
link 20.02.2007 9:52 |
|
мож, баян, и не по лингвистике, но прикольно:) Скорее для автолюбителей Цитата: 1 На умывальники не подается вода. |
|
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men talking: — Emma come first. Den I come. Den two a asses come together. I come once–a–more. Two asses, they cumma together again. I come again and then pee twice. Then I cumma one lasta time. — You foul–mouthed, sex obsessed swine, — retorted the lady, indignantly. — In this Country, we don´t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives… — Hey, coola down lady, — said the man. — Who talkin´ abouta sexa? I´m a justa tellin´ my frienda how to spella "Mississippi". |
|
fasten your seat belts! What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: Then: H–A–R–D–W–O–R–K and K–N–O–W–L–E–D–G–E But, A–T–T–I–T–U–D–E And, B–U–L–L–S–H–I-T AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A–S–S–K–I–S–S–I–N–G So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that: While Hard work and knowledge will get you close, and, Attitude will get you there, Bullshit and Ass kissing will put you over the top. |
|
A nun is undressing for a bath and while she's standing naked, there's a knock at the door. The nun calls, "Who is it?" A voice answers, "A blind salesman." The nun decides to get a thrill by having the blind man in the room while she's naked so she lets him in. The man walks in, looks straight at the nun and says, "Uhhhh, well hello there, can I sell you a blind, dearie...?" |
RIISUUUU...
|
|
о! feedback хоть какой-то ))) спасиб, Dimking |
| При раскопках индейского поселения Тау-Хау была обнаружена золотая статуэтка бога Кетцальмигонкуганькоальктенотчетлана — бога дикции и памяти. |
|
дальше в тему: Приходит мужик в цирк с черного хода. Подходит к сторожу и говорит: |
|
link 20.02.2007 12:00 |
| Конкурс на должность диктора программы новостей центрального телеканала выиграла Мария Пупкина из Урюпинска, сумевшая в предложенном ей тексте без запинки пять раз упомянуть нового президента Туркменистана Гурбангулы Бердымухаммедова. |
|
В самом деле, нам тут настроение поднимают, а мы безмолвствуем. risu и прочие анекдотчики, вы замечательные развеселители и надежные антиотупеватели! Спасибо! =) |
| Простите, "Антиотупеватель" - это тоже самое что "тормозная жидкость" или наоборот? :)) |
|
Simple Questions, Complicated Answers Why is abbreviated such a long word? |
|
Dimking, если это был реверанс - то потренируйтесь его покрасивей делать ;) |
| предкатартический вопль - тот, что выше - смотрится проникновенней ) |
|
"если это был реверанс - то потренируйтесь его покрасивей делать ;)" Насчет реверансов - это не ко мне :)) |
|
ну, канеш, я в курсе, что Вы мальчик ) просто подколоть захотелось )) |
|
Not a movement in the branches of our big syntactic tree, Our case in-situ valued: Nom. for you and Acc. for me, With the verb that theta-marks you, you do not have to agree, Existential's our closure in our cozy small vP. But a [person] feature beckons, for agreement should be free, The exploded IP won't let me take scope over you, objects do not move in English! so the cruel Noam decrees. |
|
"ну, канеш, я в курсе, что Вы мальчик )" Это Вам Сусля все разболтала? Не верьте, Вас обманывают! :)) Завидую Вам, что у Вас есть время расслабиться, повеселиться и повеселить других. |